So Foreign

When you first arrive in a completely new place, no friends, no family; you first try to notice people that kind of look and talk like you but then you remind yourself how stupid that sounds because you are not in your homeland. You still try to find some familiarity to your home hoping you just have not lost it all. You don`t know where to start, who to talk to, who can help you make sense of this new world. You are nervous and excited… weird feeling I know right? You keep going back and forth thinking it was the worst decision of your life. I am thinking to myself, why the hell did I leave home? I have everything there and now I have to start over. But then I am like, it is good to challenge myself and expand my boundaries. An inner voice says to me,” You can do it”

The most real questions hit me, who can I trust? who is going to get me? who is genuinely going to care for me? Everyone seems to only have one goal in mind, how to make it and survive in this new country. I know I have a great support system but it is all back in Zambia. I need a new system pronto if I have to survive the battle between me versus me. I am thinking I can just go back home and everything will just fall back into place but then I tell myself that I am not a quitter. I remember my father always telling me and my siblings that you always have to finish what you have started… Who is going to finish it for you?

I then tell myself, you have already started this journey, at least think of it as an adventure then maybe it may sound less intimidating; there is no talking myself out of it. I am already here, a student, a foreign student in this big world. My dreams of studying and living abroad just got even bigger.